5 NEW Super Foods You SHOULD Be Eating

Kale, blueberries, salmon?

Sooo last year.

You obviously don’t run half marathons.

Here are 5 BRAND SPANKIN’ NEW superfoods you should shove into your body right now.

5. Water and Nothing Else

water

We all know that water is good for you, but have you ever considered consuming nothing else?

Founder of the hyperhydro-diet, James Longhorn, said “Humans can survive indefinitely without food, but only a few days without water.”

Longhorn recommends getting PH balanced water for maximum effect.

“It just works with so many people’s lives,” Longhorn said at a recent hyperhydro-diet conference, “and every few weeks it’s okay to have a cheat day.

Usually on my cheat days, I eat about 35 cheeseburgers, a couple of pizzas, a gallon of spaghetti, you know, just enough to enjoy being on this planet.

Then it’s straight back to water for two or three weeks!”

 

4. Sand

sand

I know, this sounds crazy; sand is everywhere, and it’s FREE!

How did we not know about this before?!

We should all take a cue from the birds – they eat small pieces of sand, rocks, and other hard debris to help them digest their food.

The sand, or “grit” as ornithologists call it, works with the bird’s stomach muscles to break down foods faster and in a natural way.

Birds don’t have the strong digestive system that humans do, so by adding sand to your diet, you’re breaking down the foods TWICE as fast as without it.

And you can just go to the nearest beach and pick up all the sand you want at no charge!

I like to add a few spoonfuls to my morning smoothies.

If you don’t live near a natural sand source, look for organic sand at your nearest grocery store.

 

3. Your Own Flesh

own-flesh

Are you an ethical vegetarian/vegan, but miss the taste of meat?

Your own human flesh might be the loophole you were looking for!

You’re not harming any animals but yourself by consuming your own flesh, and several cannibals have described humans as tasting very similar to pork.

Mmm, ethical bacon! We prefer to take flesh from the non-dominant arm and the buttocks.

 

2. Light

light

Plants have been living off of UV rays from the sun for millennia, now it’s our turn!

Sunlight is the most raw, natural, vegan food available.

The next time you’re hungry, give it a try – stand outside in the nude (or with minimal clothing if you’re shy) and just focus really, really hard on accepting the sunlight in to your body.

Get a tan AND your daily dose of sustenance!

 

1. The Flesh of Others

flesh-others

Are you hooked on your own flesh already, but tired of waiting for your body to regenerate its lost tissue?

Look to others for help – specifically the flesh of others.

You’re made of human, so you already know that you have all of the necessary enzymes and glycemic load to eat your own kind.

Just be sure to pick out a healthy specimen to avoid poor flavor and potential diseases. You’re still being kind to the planet, and now you don’t have to hurt yourself!

 

There you have it, 5 new superfoods science has yet to change their mind about.